Australians are set to embrace Thanksgiving celebrations in 2016 following the commercial success of Halloween nationally.
Traditionally not a mainstream practice typically celebrated in Australia, Halloween has shown increasing popularity in recent years with retailers having the most to gain.
Decorations first started making an appearance 5 years ago when recently imported Asians started ignorantly importing Halloween decorations into their junk stores and $2 shops all across the country.
Initially Australians scoffed at the prospect of decorating their homes and dressing in costume as past generations of Australian parents have been strong enough to resist the pleas of their children to go ‘trick or treating’ despite increasing exposure to American pop culture in movies and television programs.
2015 saw unprecedented numbers of spoiled Australian children take to the streets without giving any consideration to the origins of the celebration just ‘because it’s just a bit of fun’
(Yes, we know Halloween has Celtic origins. Yes, we know it’s not particularly American. Just let us run with the stereotypical ‘It’s American!’ argument though)
A spokesman for Cadbury said “We have been eyeing off the Halloween market for some time now. We get a massive payday from Easter and Christmas, it’s nice to have a new market to exploit in the back end of the year. We slap on some jack-o’-lanterns on our Freddo bags and BAM! Suckers will buy bowls full.”
Now it seems the Supermarkets, along with some key brands, are being greedy fucks and are pushing for even more opportunities to rort Australian consumers.
Chief of Marketing at Woolworths, Mr Mark Etting said “We’re excited by the commercial success the confectionery companies have had introducing foreign holidays domestically. Starting next week we have a huge advertising campaign promoting the idea of an Australian Thanksgiving.”
Objectors to the idea of Australian Thanksgiving have suggested if we absolutely must adopt Thanksgiving then we could perhaps add turkey to the menu on Australia Day.
Steggles sent newz.net.au an imaginary press release advising “There’s potential to sell more Turkeys if we market to drunk bogans suggesting they buy a dozen to play driveway lawn bowls with. If we did this successfully we are projecting Thanksgiving turkey numbers to match Guinness sales on St. Patrick’s day proportions within 5 years.”