Global rebel rouser Donald Trump is preparing to issue a press release denying any association to the hit mobile game Pokémon GO.
The game has been available for only one week but now there is increasing speculation that the game may have originated from his trouble making political campaign.
Pokémon Go’s clear goal is to dumb down humanity whilst accumulating the worlds wealth via micro transactions. Basically converting users to Trump voters.
Until now, the Trump campaign was assumed to be the only organisation with the resources required to successfully reach that goal.
Rumors linking Trump to Pokémon Go on the dark web are thought to have originated from the 33rd hour of a David Icke paid crazy talk.
David Icke supposedly broke down in tears, dropped to his knees and said
“I cant take it anymore. There are no lizard people. But Trump. Trump is definitely behind Pokémon Go!”
Icke was dragged from the stage. Attendees who hadn’t already gone home refuse to make any further comment.
Pokémon Go – Trump Campaign Hurting.
In the draft press release obtained by a newz.net.au foreign correspondent, Trump stated
“I am an advocate of some pretty messed up stuff but enslaving the entirety of the global population is way too fucked up, even for me.”
The statement then boldly insinuates who Trump believes to be the true culprits.
“Given the chance I’ll build a wall around Nintendo and Google too.”
The Donald also said he would consider a change of tactics should he be able to actually get a copy of all the games metadata. This would allow Trump to convert practically everyone to Team Trump at once.
Early testing using the app to lure voters to vote for Trump have have shown success well beyond even the Trumpster’s own wildest expectations.
Trump sheepishly acknowledged that if people didn’t stop playing for long enough to catch the nightly
circlejerk news then his traditional conversion methods would be far less effective. He needs people to hear his shit talking or they may not vote at all.
The press release indicated that the Trump Campaign is also dealing with other issues related to Pokémon Go. Supporters have wandered off looking for Mudkips and not returned. Up to 50% of Trump funds have been depleted buying pokecoins and other important stuff in game.